うちは サスケ | sasuke uchiha (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bondsoflove) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
eswareinmal2012-09-03 11:00 pm
bondsoflove) wrote in eswareinmal2012-09-03 11:00 pm
Entry tags:
It started in my fists, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids.
Characters: Sasuke, hallucinations ranging from younger versions of himself to amalgamations of people he loves, his horse, and you.
Open? Yes.
Where: The edge of the two-faced forest, out of sight of the shack.
When: midmorning, RD18
What: Insanity log!
Warnings: Not literal blood, but imagined blood and spoken of blood, and a lot of it. Talk of violence, torture, mental illness, self-victim-blaming, identity-splitting, psychosis... basically what you'd expect from Sasuke. There may be mentions of rape--please let me know if you would like to avoid this topic while threading.
The sun beat against his forehead, beads of sweat forming and clinging to his skin before soaking into his hairline. The grass was itchy through the tunic, and a little damp; the light made his eyes sting, but he couldn't turn his head in either direction without seeing the fury and hatred rolling off of all of them in tangible, visible waves.
"Are you listening to me?" The voice was high, raw with grief.
"No," Sasuke answered. The sky was almost as blue as Naruto's irises when he wasn't possessed by the nine-tailed fox's bloodlust.
"Pay attention." This one came from Sasuke's other side. Still high, but closer to the low growl he had now. "It's your fault. The least you can do is listen."
"Shut up." Sasuke pressed his forearm against his eyes, forcing himself into darkness. The ghosts of his mother and father took the opportunity to burn their faces into his mind's eye, features grotesque, twisted with rage. They held out their hands to him, and their fingers curled to claws, blood dripping from every pore in their skin.
He opened his eyes.
"It's your fault Mother and Father are dead." The first voice had a smug quality to it now, almost mocking. He turned to face himself, baby fat and his huge, dark eyes making him seem more innocent than what he was, a specter more real than Sasuke himself who hid behind shadows and followed him always, to remind him what he'd done wrong every time he came close to forgetting. The child's face twisted into an ugly scowl, and his eyes filled with tears that streamed down his fat cheeks.
"Everything is your fault!" Little Sasuke screamed.
Sasuke curled a fist and socked him in the stomach. The image disappeared.
"Doing that doesn't make him wrong."
His head tilted to the other side, and the Avenger was crouched there, a dark and terrifying avatar of the strength Sasuke had never quite been able to achieve. Cold. Emotionless. Constantly humming in fire and electricity, now that Sasuke couldn't produce it on his own. Never farther away than the little one, to take his place if Sasuke banished the first.
The Avenger's mouth made a fanged, cruel expression that could have been interpreted as a grin. "If you hadn't been so selfish, maybe you could have saved them. If you hadn't been so soft, he wouldn't have taken you."
"Go away," Sasuke grunted, rolling over onto his other side. The child was back, rocking back and forth.
"Nii-san died because you were stupid," he whispered.
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you," said the Avenger, cold hands dusting against the back of Sasuke's neck and wrapping around it, pressing, pressing, not choking. "You should have died as a child."
"Should have let me go to sleep," Little Sasuke agreed. "Instead you made me suffer. Everything is your fault."
"Shut UP!"
The ground surrounding them went up in flames. Three pairs of dark eyes flickered with orange and red.
Open? Yes.
Where: The edge of the two-faced forest, out of sight of the shack.
When: midmorning, RD18
What: Insanity log!
Warnings: Not literal blood, but imagined blood and spoken of blood, and a lot of it. Talk of violence, torture, mental illness, self-victim-blaming, identity-splitting, psychosis... basically what you'd expect from Sasuke. There may be mentions of rape--please let me know if you would like to avoid this topic while threading.
The sun beat against his forehead, beads of sweat forming and clinging to his skin before soaking into his hairline. The grass was itchy through the tunic, and a little damp; the light made his eyes sting, but he couldn't turn his head in either direction without seeing the fury and hatred rolling off of all of them in tangible, visible waves.
"Are you listening to me?" The voice was high, raw with grief.
"No," Sasuke answered. The sky was almost as blue as Naruto's irises when he wasn't possessed by the nine-tailed fox's bloodlust.
"Pay attention." This one came from Sasuke's other side. Still high, but closer to the low growl he had now. "It's your fault. The least you can do is listen."
"Shut up." Sasuke pressed his forearm against his eyes, forcing himself into darkness. The ghosts of his mother and father took the opportunity to burn their faces into his mind's eye, features grotesque, twisted with rage. They held out their hands to him, and their fingers curled to claws, blood dripping from every pore in their skin.
He opened his eyes.
"It's your fault Mother and Father are dead." The first voice had a smug quality to it now, almost mocking. He turned to face himself, baby fat and his huge, dark eyes making him seem more innocent than what he was, a specter more real than Sasuke himself who hid behind shadows and followed him always, to remind him what he'd done wrong every time he came close to forgetting. The child's face twisted into an ugly scowl, and his eyes filled with tears that streamed down his fat cheeks.
"Everything is your fault!" Little Sasuke screamed.
Sasuke curled a fist and socked him in the stomach. The image disappeared.
"Doing that doesn't make him wrong."
His head tilted to the other side, and the Avenger was crouched there, a dark and terrifying avatar of the strength Sasuke had never quite been able to achieve. Cold. Emotionless. Constantly humming in fire and electricity, now that Sasuke couldn't produce it on his own. Never farther away than the little one, to take his place if Sasuke banished the first.
The Avenger's mouth made a fanged, cruel expression that could have been interpreted as a grin. "If you hadn't been so selfish, maybe you could have saved them. If you hadn't been so soft, he wouldn't have taken you."
"Go away," Sasuke grunted, rolling over onto his other side. The child was back, rocking back and forth.
"Nii-san died because you were stupid," he whispered.
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you," said the Avenger, cold hands dusting against the back of Sasuke's neck and wrapping around it, pressing, pressing, not choking. "You should have died as a child."
"Should have let me go to sleep," Little Sasuke agreed. "Instead you made me suffer. Everything is your fault."
"Shut UP!"
The ground surrounding them went up in flames. Three pairs of dark eyes flickered with orange and red.
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Although the possibility that Bakura was actually battle-hardened, at least in the way Sasuke was used to, was very small, he spoke like someone who had at least gotten into a scuffle or two. "Or were you thrown out as a pawn?"
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He looked down at his robes, idly picking away a bit of grass that was clinging to it. "So I guess you could say that I'm just a pawn again."
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There was something about Bakura. Strange, but the thought of him getting hurt via his naivety didn't hit Sasuke with the usual indifference, the thought that he'd have it coming.
He felt almost protective.
Scowling, he ripped up a chunk of grass and tossed it at the shield surrounding them to see what happened.
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Bakura feel quiet a moment, reaching up to rub at the side of his neck, almost feeling the sensation of teeth ripping into it as he had before.
"You didn't." It was a simple answer. Simple and honest as his hand feel to his side again.
It was the one thing he regretted... He had been stupid and as result of his death, Alastair had rampaged. If he hadn't gotten himself killed, his brother would never had that fire for revenge rekindled inside of him once more, would never had stolen the souls of those who had had the misfortune to cross his path in his blind rage...
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Bakura was somewhere else. Sasuke knew that expression, the slight unfocusing of eyes as the gaze turned somewhere inward.
He had a feeling that trust hadn't worked out very well.
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Sasuke lay back, pillowing his head on his arm as he looked up at the top of the shield. "Everyone says walls shut out the good things in life, but it's not worth it to open yourself up to attack."
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Sasuke hadn't been alone in years--not truly. Before Madara and Zetsu, there was Team Hawk; before them, Orochimaru; before him, Team Seven, the academy and his family. There were certain things to be said about having allies--a decreased death rate, for one--but trust was unnecessary. Dangerous.
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dat icon. Bakura is so pretty *-*
He bit the inside of his cheek. "Companionship doesn't require trust."
http://kokorononaka.net/Temp/sign/ This dounjin is sparkly~
Very sparkly.
It was irritating--lying here in the stillness of Bakura's shield, listening to his idealistic commentary on bonds. Complicated and messy, Sasuke had made an effort to purge himself of them. The naivety of it, Bakura's willingness to weaken himself for the sake of a personal connection--
It rankled him.
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Sasuke sat up, pulling his knees to his chest. His mouth was a hard line. "Bonds are no more than shackles."