eswareinmal | Always feel like she's runnin on a hamster wheel

Entry tags:

Always feel like she's runnin on a hamster wheel

Characters: Ginia Solana, Rupert Giles, and Helios Sprensonne
Open? No
Where: Schwanheim to the Two Faced Forest
When: Morning of RD 19
What: It's time to put a stop to Ginia's stealing spree and Helios and Giles know just how to do it.
Warnings: Violence and language

There was always a fall. A dark, crashing, downward spiral after the high, after the moment, after that fleeting feeling of success. Ginia knew there would be a fall and now that she was falling it was all she could do to slow her descent.

She barely slept after the heist, laying awake under a dark bridge, making sure no guards were coming after her, too jittery to sleep. Some of the books were safely with Liara, the other half left in the house - she couldn't call it a home, not anymore - as a sort of offering to Giles and Helios. They would know what to do with them, with the information hidden inside. Because even if she wasn't entirely herself anymore, the parts that hung on loosely still remembered her dearest friend and lover.

The morning came too quickly. She stole some pastries from the bakery, sating her hunger and her need to steal, but it wasn't enough. Nothing was anymore.

So when she sees a ring left carelessly on the ground, sun hitting the gold surface just right, Ginia pounces on it and hides it in a pocket, quickly seeing another shiny thing several yards away. That too, she went after. Once she was a thief, meticulous and almost masterful, now she was desperate and predictable.

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It has not been buried or if it has, it was since then retrieved. But Helios would never say or mention it all that much, there was far too many other things to deal with at the moment. It was something to tackle another day. For now his sole concern was for Ginia and Giles, his efforts to patch up this mess were his entire focus now. Perhaps the book could actually help, but Helios hasn't actually tried to write in it yet. The forces and power unknown still to him.

Helios manages to get to his feet shakily as he wobbles a little. His face is pale in the growing sunlight of dawn, his eyes strained and tired. But he still gives a genuine smile.

"I think w-we are. Let's go back to-together then." Because that's what family does and that's what they will always do.

And, with that, Giles will use what power he has to activate the circle and bring them all home. The bright light, the sense of calling, the feeling of cold - probably familiar to all of them by now, but no less unpleasant, and it won't be long before they all find themselves, awareness returning, in the familiar environs of the little house they'd claimed for themselves on the edge of the city.

Immediately, as soon as he can think to do so, Giles moves to support Helios. He knows from painful past experience the reaction an injured body can have to teleportation.

Teleporting is much more cold and sudden than jumping about through shadows, but it's a good shock to the system and a wake up call as good as any. Shadows were soft and comfortable, deceptively warm and eager to share you up.

When they arrive in front of the house, Ginia also moves to support Helios, looking worriedly at him.

"I'm sorry." For hurting him, for hurting all of them, for causing all the trouble she has over the last few days. "Let's get you inside right away."

Teleportation does not do anything for bruises, aches, and cuts like they've all suffered. Helios is pale and barely biting back a gasp when they arrive in front of their home. He wobbles where he stands and would have fallen if not for Ginia and Giles supporting him. A shaky breath of air as he nods to Ginia's words.

"D-Don't. You don't have to apologize. Thank you f-for helping." And coming home when he knows it's probably taken so much out of her. But she did come with them and that's all that matters.

However temporarily, they're all together again.

Now all that's left is to move forward.

Giles goes to get a chair for Helios to sit down in. He nods to Ginia, as he helps settle the other man off his feet.

"You, um, y-you know where we keep the, the m-medical supplies. Usual place."

It wasn't her fault, so Giles won't say anything about it. But, this time, maybe Ginia can put her speed to good use.

Ginia takes a second to look around their home. It's only been a few days, but after being in and out and even avoiding the house, the place seems foreign to her, especially during the day. Giles' words bring her back to the present and she nods, remembering where the first aid kit.

She steps into one shadow and returns soon after, the kit in tow. It's not as good as a modern first aid kit, but there are some bandages and salves picked up from the local merchants. Ginia immediately takes out the fresh bandages, salves, then goes to get a bowl of water for cleaning.

Helios, for the most part, will let out a very relieved sigh when given that seat. He's a bit paler than normal, but otherwise fine. He gives Ginia a shaky little smile when she comes back with those medical supplies. Not the most recent of things here, but it'll have to do. Maybe his healing potions were done? No, no, they would need some more time to brew.

Another sigh as he shifts in his seat. He doesn't look entirely...pleased about the notion of having those salves put onto such a wound. But...it needs to be done. And he knew it was going to be painful.

It needs to be done. Medicine is always bitter, no matter the world. And most of that pain will have been caused by Ginia - her hand, at least, if not her mind.

It's an uncomfortable thought. But all the same, he still trusts Ginia to fix Helios up.

If Helios is prepared to let her, of course.

Almost in sympathy, the side of his face gives an angry throb, and Giles becomes aware that he's still fairly bloody, himself. He'll go to the well outside for some water, for Helios and himself both.

Ginia returns with a bowl of water taken from the pitcher left in the kitchen. It's lukewarm from sitting out on the counter, but it'll do for now, at least until Giles can pump some fresh water. She takes Helios' arm and glances briefly at him, looking for his approval before she begins working. Being able to help is a dose of painful and bitter medicine for herself, but she also understands if Helios pulls away and wants her to go.

He knows that it'll hurt, a lot. He knows that he shouldn't shy away and have Ginia feel anymore guilt than she already did. So he tries he hardest not to shy away, and not to flinch when she finally begins to dress the wound. It was an utter mess under those bandages, and he's thankful that he's actually sitting, otherwise he might have ended up on the ground anyway. This was at least a bit more decent.

Yet still it made his blood run cold. It reminded him of his hand and phantom pain shoots through his scarred palm as he thinks about it. Helios will just gnaw gently at his lip.

Giles comes back inside, carrying a bucket of fresh water, just a couple of minutes later. By then, Ginia's started in on patching Helios up, and he's grateful - to her for sticking around and trying, and him for obviously trying so hard to endure his own terror and anxiety.

Quietly, Giles sets the bucket next to Ginia, within reach of the first aid supplies. He grabs an unused cloth, dips it into the water, and goes to work trying to clean the blood off his face.

All the while, he finds himself keeping his gaze on Helios. At first because of what he thought he'd seen, just a little tic, and then because of what he knows he sees.

Giles knows Helios very well, by now, and so even trying to clean the blood from his face, he notices that slight twitch to the other's hand, and he knows it's caused by the starburst of a scar through his palm. A scar Giles put there, in a moment of madness induced by a mask. They've both scarred him now. Hurt him. It's a sickening thought, but it's also why Giles can't hold it against Ginia. If he did, he'd have to reexamine his own actions in hurting Helios in the past.

"...it should heal up," he finally says, trying to kindle the little spark of hope he's feeling into something more convincing. "You'll just, um, have to take it easy, for a bit. And, well...I'll be around to help."

Where he wasn't before, a mistake that he keenly feels now.

Putting a bandage onto the cut is a fumbling affair, as he has to feel along it before he can know where to apply the gauze. But Giles manages not to wince more than once, and he puts the bandage on with reasonable accuracy.

That's him sorted, then.

"Do you, um...do you need any help?" This, he directs cautiously to Ginia.

Ginia works as gently as possible as she unwinds the bandages, being most careful in the areas where dried blood has stuck fabric to skin. She focuses on the task at hand, perhaps thankfully missing the light twitches, though there's no absolving the guilt she already feels. Not any time soon at least.

"I think I got this. Helios, could you roll up your sleeve please? I'll need to take a better look at the cut and clean around it."

Helios jerks his arm away in an apparent flinch of pain. His heart beat picks up ever so slightly, his face paling even more so than it already was. He'll just clutch his wounded arm to his chest, trying to keep his breathing steady. He was doing so well...damn. He just couldn't...he didn't want Ginia to see them. He would go through the pain in order for her not to. It wasn't her, it was just him, and he looked so terribly ashamed in that small second. The embarrassment being replaced with panic. The drastic change in his posture was clue enough that something was wrong.

"N-No it, ah...it's fine. I-I think it'll be alright like this." His voice is shaky and wavering through a whispered reply. He could just do it later, really, no big deal.

Giles puts two and two together very, very quickly. He looks up, sharply, staring at Helios in alarm.

You never told her...?

Giles had never guessed, he'd never thought...he knew they'd stayed with one another, in Luceti, while he'd been gone. He'd just assumed that Ginia would know, by now. And that turned out to have been the absolute stupidest assumption he could have made.

"No, it won't," he says quietly. Then, heaving a sigh: "Ginia? S-Sorry, but...I, um, I think we'll be all right from here."

But he keeps his eyes on Helios, to make sure that's all right with him. It won't be the first time Giles has patched him up, after all. Maybe it will hurt a bit less, if it's him.

From the way Helios reacts, Ginia knows it's more than just her. He's always been a bit jittery about things - being touched, not showing off his body, a bunch of little things that have added up - but Ginia still flinches slightly. Confusion and hurt register briefly on her face before she settles back into a calm mask.

She backs away to let Giles take her spot and roses to her feet. Her movements a little stilted, she walks to the kitchen and uses the last of the water in the pitcher to pour two cups for the men, then gathers up some bread and fruit for them to snack on. She brings back the plate and cups and sets them on the nearest table, eyes once more avoiding them.

"There are some books for you up in the room," Ginia says quietly. There's nothing left for her to do. Nothing left for her to say. She turns toward the door.

He feels somewhat ashamed to admit that, no, he has never told Ginia even now. Alice knew and he knows that Alice would never have told Ginia because she promised not to. But the topic of Nero was always one that he never liked to remember, avoided it at any and all costs. Hell the only reason Giles ever knew was because of a minor slip due to experimental exhaustion. In someways...talking about Nero was harder than talking about Elise. At least with Elise there were some decent, genuinely happy, memories. Nero was just pain, humiliation, hurt...who would ever want to think about that, let alone make someone else know about it? He still looks guilty even if it is his choice to tell someone or not. He was making things difficult again, wasn't he? When Ginia leaves the room briefly he looks back at Giles, apologetic.

"I-I'm sorry..." he was so stupid sometimes. He winces a bit more as he bends down to get one of the cloths from the bucket. He'll just quickly dab away some more of the blood, biting his lip. It's only when he sees Ginia moving towards the door that he gives Giles a slightly panicked look.

Giles knows what's coming next when he hears Ginia's feet coming down the stairs. All the same, turning to see her heading towards the door is pain on a new level. He tries to keep that pain, along with the faint hope that her departure might just be temporary, out of his voice but it doesn't work.

"If you're going to leave, just...please, Ginia, promise us that you'll be back."

Promise him.

Giles can tell that having Helios pull away from her like that was quite probably the last straw on her exhausted, overstressed mind. And Giles can't blame her for that, especially since he's been in that particular, awful position in the past. And he had left then, too. He just hadn't left right away, because he'd been the only one who could fix the damage done.

So he can understand her desire to get away for a bit, even if it does break his heart.

"...I'll look for you, if you don't."

Not a threat. He'd never threaten her. Just a reassurance that he'll never just sit quietly by when she's alone and hurting. He'll always try to keep her from slipping out of his life, if he can. Even if he stays now and she goes, that won't change.

There's one hand on the doorknob and all it takes is a simple twist and push and she'll be free, but once more it's Giles' voice that stops her. The waver, the pain, the hints of hope. Dammit, Giles. Ginia doesn't dare look at them, not anymore, but she doesn't move.

Some promises aren't meant to be made and Ginia hates making promises she can't keep. However, as much as it hurts right now, as tired and stressed and in desperate need of space and solitude as she is right now, she'll need their love and company. They've come this far. They can go on further.

And she knows very well Giles would spend ever possible waking hour looking for her, worrying, fretting.

"...I promise to come back," Ginia whispers before she leaves the house.

There's a daunting and almost overbearing silence when she leaves. Helios doesn't say much as he gets to rolling up his sleeve, and weakly tries to finish his own bandaging. Perhaps to stop Giles from helping him, should he wish to follow after Ginia.

"She'll c-comeback." They just have to have a little faith and hope, and it's very hard to do so when it all ended like this. He bites his lip and looks down at his slightly shaking arm. Somehow he couldn't help but silently blame himself. They all knew how it felt, especially after Halloween. She just needed a little time, or so he hoped. People dealt with things differently. But they would always be here for her and Helios would help Giles no matter what, should Ginia not come back.

The only thing Giles wants more than to follow after Ginia is to finish getting Helios into better shape.

It's not an easy decision to make, but one look back at Helios, and Giles knows it was the right one.

"She'll be back," he says quietly, moving to take the seat Ginia had just left. "She...she did promise, after all."

Gently, Giles is going to try and take the bandages from Helios. He has two good hands, and Helios is doing a bad job of it, and he suspects that his friend could really use the feeling of being helped right about now, from someone he's used to.

"...I'm sorry, Helios. I, I suppose you know this already, but...I never expected it to turn out this way."

He looks awful and he shifts in his seat, his eyes ticking back and forth between Giles and the door. His voice is barely above a whisper when he murmurs those next words. "You can go after her. I-I'll be fine, I promise."

But he knows Giles won't, and Helios can understand way. Helios almost shies away when Giles tries to take the bandages. But he's too tired to really fight this right now.

"I-I didn't think it would either..." he looks away, tired, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Sometimes fairytales had a few alternate endings. But there was still a chance for this one to turn into a happy one.

"I'm sorry." He looks ashamed that he couldn't actually let Ginia help him, the final straw to the camel's back, and that the house was almost barren without her there. He's sorry he couldn't have been stronger for just this once.

"I know I can."

He knows that Helios wouldn't stop him. Helios never would. And that's part of why Giles is staying.

Because Helios is his best friend.

"All the same, um...I'd say setting you on the path to recovering is, is the priority, right now."

Helios already has reduced functionality in one hand. The last thing Giles wants is for him to lose the use of an arm besides.

He'll unroll some fresh bandages, apply some disinfectant to them, and then gingerly move in closer. With a soft sigh, he begins to wind the gauze around Helios' wounded arm.

"You shouldn't be." The former Watcher's voice is soft, as he works, and he keeps his eyes on Helios' arm. He knows better than to say something like 'don't be', because he knows that, for Helios, such a thing is still impossible. "I would have offered from the start, but...I, I just didn't think." And that is embarrassing, because it's a secret Helios entrusted to him, if only by accident, and Giles knows that he needs to respect that.

"I just...I've gotten so used to knowing, why you're like this, about your arms that...I, I suppose I just forgot, generally no one else does."

Edited 2012-09-26 04:23 (UTC)

"Th-then why aren't you?" He does understand that Giles wants to help him, but Ginia is so very important to him. After all they've been through this morning...maybe he's just to tired to comprehend it at the moment. He bites his lip when Giles goes to work on his arm, even after telling him the shame is still there. Maybe no as apparent but he still doesn't enjoy the idea of anyone seeing his arms, even if it's Giles. "I-I'll be fine. It-it wasn't as bad as I thought. And I do have healing p-potions stocked up."

He lets out a shaky sigh, "I-I never told her. A-Alice was, was the only one who knew. A-And that...that was because the Malnosso..." made him think he loved her. Valentine's Day was a very odd day in those regards. He shifts and keeps his fidgeting down to a bare minimum as he watches Giles finish up bandaging his arm.

"And it, it made all of this worse." Maybe if she had known she'd still be here. Maybe she wouldn't have felt helpless to help him because of his stupid damning phobia.

"Because you are my best friend, and, and I absolutely can't stand the sight of you in pain, especially when, when you're in that pain due to helping me."

Not that he ever doubted Helios would jump at the chance to help Ginia. But that is the fact of the matter. Helios was hurt helping Giles get Ginia back. Giles isn't going to leave him to fix himself up, after that. That isn't what friends do.

"...especially when I've already caused you my fair share."

Speaking of Malnosso and the problems they caused. Giles was never, never so well acquainted with the sound of rending muscle and flesh than when he was driving that knife into Helios' hand. It was the furthest thing from mercy that the mask made him remember...but, well, Giles prefers it that way.

He didn't deserve the mercy he got, for what he did to Helios that night.

Giles frowns, very slightly, at Helios' words, for reasons beyond simple concentration. Oh, yes, Alice. He hasn't thought about her much, lately. Not really since learning from Ginia that she was, well...gone. He'd never born her any real malice, not as such. But he'd never felt anything for her like he had for Ginia, either, and he'd always resented Alice for taking her away.

And Helios' words also have a ring of...familiarity? Or, something like it. Enough that Giles can't get too alarmed at the thought of him and Alice associating due to Malnosso influence.

Giles' voice is gentle, but firm: "You didn't. She...she needed time. Whatever happened here. It's all right, Helios."

"That w-wasn't your fault." Even if Giles knows that, it bears repeating right now. He knows Giles' guilt about that night still runs very deep and the fact that Helios' injury has transferred here doesn't help ease the guilt or pain. And those words speak true for this morning as well.

"I-I knew that it was going to be dangerous. I-I knew things could go b-bad, but I couldn't...couldn't just let you and Ginia..." he could never in a million years leave either of them to fend for themselves, especially not against each other. It was wrong and twisted to use magic to this to two people he cared for. It was wrong to use magic like this towards anyone. His right hand lightly balls into a fist, before it goes limp with fatigue.

He sounds very tired when he asks his next question in conjunction to Giles' statement, "Is it really?" He doesn't sound pessimistic, just...tired and almost lost. It's not all right, but he doesn't say as much.

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