eswareinmal | Always feel like she's runnin on a hamster wheel

Entry tags:

Always feel like she's runnin on a hamster wheel

Characters: Ginia Solana, Rupert Giles, and Helios Sprensonne
Open? No
Where: Schwanheim to the Two Faced Forest
When: Morning of RD 19
What: It's time to put a stop to Ginia's stealing spree and Helios and Giles know just how to do it.
Warnings: Violence and language

There was always a fall. A dark, crashing, downward spiral after the high, after the moment, after that fleeting feeling of success. Ginia knew there would be a fall and now that she was falling it was all she could do to slow her descent.

She barely slept after the heist, laying awake under a dark bridge, making sure no guards were coming after her, too jittery to sleep. Some of the books were safely with Liara, the other half left in the house - she couldn't call it a home, not anymore - as a sort of offering to Giles and Helios. They would know what to do with them, with the information hidden inside. Because even if she wasn't entirely herself anymore, the parts that hung on loosely still remembered her dearest friend and lover.

The morning came too quickly. She stole some pastries from the bakery, sating her hunger and her need to steal, but it wasn't enough. Nothing was anymore.

So when she sees a ring left carelessly on the ground, sun hitting the gold surface just right, Ginia pounces on it and hides it in a pocket, quickly seeing another shiny thing several yards away. That too, she went after. Once she was a thief, meticulous and almost masterful, now she was desperate and predictable.

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From the way Helios reacts, Ginia knows it's more than just her. He's always been a bit jittery about things - being touched, not showing off his body, a bunch of little things that have added up - but Ginia still flinches slightly. Confusion and hurt register briefly on her face before she settles back into a calm mask.

She backs away to let Giles take her spot and roses to her feet. Her movements a little stilted, she walks to the kitchen and uses the last of the water in the pitcher to pour two cups for the men, then gathers up some bread and fruit for them to snack on. She brings back the plate and cups and sets them on the nearest table, eyes once more avoiding them.

"There are some books for you up in the room," Ginia says quietly. There's nothing left for her to do. Nothing left for her to say. She turns toward the door.

He feels somewhat ashamed to admit that, no, he has never told Ginia even now. Alice knew and he knows that Alice would never have told Ginia because she promised not to. But the topic of Nero was always one that he never liked to remember, avoided it at any and all costs. Hell the only reason Giles ever knew was because of a minor slip due to experimental exhaustion. In someways...talking about Nero was harder than talking about Elise. At least with Elise there were some decent, genuinely happy, memories. Nero was just pain, humiliation, hurt...who would ever want to think about that, let alone make someone else know about it? He still looks guilty even if it is his choice to tell someone or not. He was making things difficult again, wasn't he? When Ginia leaves the room briefly he looks back at Giles, apologetic.

"I-I'm sorry..." he was so stupid sometimes. He winces a bit more as he bends down to get one of the cloths from the bucket. He'll just quickly dab away some more of the blood, biting his lip. It's only when he sees Ginia moving towards the door that he gives Giles a slightly panicked look.

Giles knows what's coming next when he hears Ginia's feet coming down the stairs. All the same, turning to see her heading towards the door is pain on a new level. He tries to keep that pain, along with the faint hope that her departure might just be temporary, out of his voice but it doesn't work.

"If you're going to leave, just...please, Ginia, promise us that you'll be back."

Promise him.

Giles can tell that having Helios pull away from her like that was quite probably the last straw on her exhausted, overstressed mind. And Giles can't blame her for that, especially since he's been in that particular, awful position in the past. And he had left then, too. He just hadn't left right away, because he'd been the only one who could fix the damage done.

So he can understand her desire to get away for a bit, even if it does break his heart.

"...I'll look for you, if you don't."

Not a threat. He'd never threaten her. Just a reassurance that he'll never just sit quietly by when she's alone and hurting. He'll always try to keep her from slipping out of his life, if he can. Even if he stays now and she goes, that won't change.

There's one hand on the doorknob and all it takes is a simple twist and push and she'll be free, but once more it's Giles' voice that stops her. The waver, the pain, the hints of hope. Dammit, Giles. Ginia doesn't dare look at them, not anymore, but she doesn't move.

Some promises aren't meant to be made and Ginia hates making promises she can't keep. However, as much as it hurts right now, as tired and stressed and in desperate need of space and solitude as she is right now, she'll need their love and company. They've come this far. They can go on further.

And she knows very well Giles would spend ever possible waking hour looking for her, worrying, fretting.

"...I promise to come back," Ginia whispers before she leaves the house.

There's a daunting and almost overbearing silence when she leaves. Helios doesn't say much as he gets to rolling up his sleeve, and weakly tries to finish his own bandaging. Perhaps to stop Giles from helping him, should he wish to follow after Ginia.

"She'll c-comeback." They just have to have a little faith and hope, and it's very hard to do so when it all ended like this. He bites his lip and looks down at his slightly shaking arm. Somehow he couldn't help but silently blame himself. They all knew how it felt, especially after Halloween. She just needed a little time, or so he hoped. People dealt with things differently. But they would always be here for her and Helios would help Giles no matter what, should Ginia not come back.

The only thing Giles wants more than to follow after Ginia is to finish getting Helios into better shape.

It's not an easy decision to make, but one look back at Helios, and Giles knows it was the right one.

"She'll be back," he says quietly, moving to take the seat Ginia had just left. "She...she did promise, after all."

Gently, Giles is going to try and take the bandages from Helios. He has two good hands, and Helios is doing a bad job of it, and he suspects that his friend could really use the feeling of being helped right about now, from someone he's used to.

"...I'm sorry, Helios. I, I suppose you know this already, but...I never expected it to turn out this way."

He looks awful and he shifts in his seat, his eyes ticking back and forth between Giles and the door. His voice is barely above a whisper when he murmurs those next words. "You can go after her. I-I'll be fine, I promise."

But he knows Giles won't, and Helios can understand way. Helios almost shies away when Giles tries to take the bandages. But he's too tired to really fight this right now.

"I-I didn't think it would either..." he looks away, tired, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Sometimes fairytales had a few alternate endings. But there was still a chance for this one to turn into a happy one.

"I'm sorry." He looks ashamed that he couldn't actually let Ginia help him, the final straw to the camel's back, and that the house was almost barren without her there. He's sorry he couldn't have been stronger for just this once.

"I know I can."

He knows that Helios wouldn't stop him. Helios never would. And that's part of why Giles is staying.

Because Helios is his best friend.

"All the same, um...I'd say setting you on the path to recovering is, is the priority, right now."

Helios already has reduced functionality in one hand. The last thing Giles wants is for him to lose the use of an arm besides.

He'll unroll some fresh bandages, apply some disinfectant to them, and then gingerly move in closer. With a soft sigh, he begins to wind the gauze around Helios' wounded arm.

"You shouldn't be." The former Watcher's voice is soft, as he works, and he keeps his eyes on Helios' arm. He knows better than to say something like 'don't be', because he knows that, for Helios, such a thing is still impossible. "I would have offered from the start, but...I, I just didn't think." And that is embarrassing, because it's a secret Helios entrusted to him, if only by accident, and Giles knows that he needs to respect that.

"I just...I've gotten so used to knowing, why you're like this, about your arms that...I, I suppose I just forgot, generally no one else does."

Edited 2012-09-26 04:23 (UTC)

"Th-then why aren't you?" He does understand that Giles wants to help him, but Ginia is so very important to him. After all they've been through this morning...maybe he's just to tired to comprehend it at the moment. He bites his lip when Giles goes to work on his arm, even after telling him the shame is still there. Maybe no as apparent but he still doesn't enjoy the idea of anyone seeing his arms, even if it's Giles. "I-I'll be fine. It-it wasn't as bad as I thought. And I do have healing p-potions stocked up."

He lets out a shaky sigh, "I-I never told her. A-Alice was, was the only one who knew. A-And that...that was because the Malnosso..." made him think he loved her. Valentine's Day was a very odd day in those regards. He shifts and keeps his fidgeting down to a bare minimum as he watches Giles finish up bandaging his arm.

"And it, it made all of this worse." Maybe if she had known she'd still be here. Maybe she wouldn't have felt helpless to help him because of his stupid damning phobia.

"Because you are my best friend, and, and I absolutely can't stand the sight of you in pain, especially when, when you're in that pain due to helping me."

Not that he ever doubted Helios would jump at the chance to help Ginia. But that is the fact of the matter. Helios was hurt helping Giles get Ginia back. Giles isn't going to leave him to fix himself up, after that. That isn't what friends do.

"...especially when I've already caused you my fair share."

Speaking of Malnosso and the problems they caused. Giles was never, never so well acquainted with the sound of rending muscle and flesh than when he was driving that knife into Helios' hand. It was the furthest thing from mercy that the mask made him remember...but, well, Giles prefers it that way.

He didn't deserve the mercy he got, for what he did to Helios that night.

Giles frowns, very slightly, at Helios' words, for reasons beyond simple concentration. Oh, yes, Alice. He hasn't thought about her much, lately. Not really since learning from Ginia that she was, well...gone. He'd never born her any real malice, not as such. But he'd never felt anything for her like he had for Ginia, either, and he'd always resented Alice for taking her away.

And Helios' words also have a ring of...familiarity? Or, something like it. Enough that Giles can't get too alarmed at the thought of him and Alice associating due to Malnosso influence.

Giles' voice is gentle, but firm: "You didn't. She...she needed time. Whatever happened here. It's all right, Helios."

"That w-wasn't your fault." Even if Giles knows that, it bears repeating right now. He knows Giles' guilt about that night still runs very deep and the fact that Helios' injury has transferred here doesn't help ease the guilt or pain. And those words speak true for this morning as well.

"I-I knew that it was going to be dangerous. I-I knew things could go b-bad, but I couldn't...couldn't just let you and Ginia..." he could never in a million years leave either of them to fend for themselves, especially not against each other. It was wrong and twisted to use magic to this to two people he cared for. It was wrong to use magic like this towards anyone. His right hand lightly balls into a fist, before it goes limp with fatigue.

He sounds very tired when he asks his next question in conjunction to Giles' statement, "Is it really?" He doesn't sound pessimistic, just...tired and almost lost. It's not all right, but he doesn't say as much.

"It is."

...maybe not right now. But, things are getting better. And they will be okay. Soon. Eventually.

They just have to hold out hope. Even if the only way they can is by bolstering one another.

"...Ginia is herself again. That, um, th-that was the goal, from the start. If she wants to be alone for a while...at least she's the one deciding it."

He ties off the bandage to punctuate the words, leaving the long, bloody gash cleaned and hidden away. "And we wouldn't have gotten that far without you."

A light wince at the tying off of the bandage. Helios frowns nodding in acknowledgement of the other man's words. It was Ginia's choice now, at least, whether or not to come back home. But a promise is a heavy thing to break, especially to the people in question.

"It might also have gone better if I t-told you sooner." He can't deny that it was his fault for never telling Giles in the first place. Thinking he could stop it before it escalated. "And I-I'm sorry that I didn't." He looks at his sliced arm, thinking it was some sort retribution to the spoken words. Maybe he got what he deserved after all...there was the ordeal with Halloween.

Maybe this day would never have happened then, and they would all be sitting here enjoying a nice breakfast together. Hindsight wasn't one of his specialties, and what's done is done. "It could only get better now I-I suppose." His chest throbs slightly with pain, remembering Benu...remembering her words and the effect she had on him, on the thing living inside him.

Only get better until something else occurs.

Speaking of breakfast...

This time, actually for once unaware of what fresh fears are eating away at Helios' mind, Giles notices the bread and the fruit she'd set out for them before she left.

It had been an early start and he, for one, hadn't eaten anything. He privately doubted that Helios had, either. And so Giles picks up the plate, takes a bit of bread for himself, and then holds the food out to Helios.

"There is very little that you're obligated to tell me, Helios. Given the...well, um, given the unexpected circumstances of today...I won't say this was one of them."

Not that it wouldn't have been nice to know...but, Helios knows that. All the same, neither of them predicted this, and so Giles places equal blame on himself for not thinking to ask. All their careful planning, and he never considered.

"...even if they get worse all over again...they always get better."

That, at least, is something he can believe in. It's not the most reassuring thought in the world. But, well, experience bears it out. He, and Helios, and Ginia...life may bring them low, but it always takes care to bring them back up again.

Helios stares at the plate for a moment, as if he doesn't even want to eat. But his stomach betrays him with a very loud growl, and he looks away sheepishly, as he takes takes some fruit and bread. "But...this wasn't s-something like that. I should have said something..."

He sighs, his features twisting into subtle pain and exhaustion in that span of seconds. "We've...been through worse and came out j-just fine." Mostly. But he can get behind the other's words, if only because he's been through it too and past experience has led him to believe such things.

"I-I think there's supposed to be a t-town meeting at the castle today." A sigh. He doesn't even know what about but they should probably tidy up and go. Even if all Helios wants to do is sleep. "I-I suppose we should, ah, go and see what the fuss is all about." He'll eat slowly, pondering, and wondering what exactly the big to do might be. Probably nothing of great importance, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

"At the...?"

Giles frowns, drawing an absolute blank, at first. What with everything that's happened today, everything he's had to deal with and think through...well, anything having to do with the people of Schwanheim, he'd pushed quite firmly out of his mind. That, and he sees no reason to connect the two women in the market with whatever's going on. It just seems too ridiculous.

Even for this place.

"It's...probably nothing," he says carefully, echoing Helios' thoughts. "But, um. I, I suppose it's probably a good idea to go. S-Stay informed, sort of thing."

Giles sounds highly doubtful, especially since he'd also much prefer to catch up on some sleep than stop by the palace.

But, after the last few days, he's had enough of surprises to last a lifetime.

"S-Stay informed." He says it a bit amused. Whatever could the townspeople possibly inform them about, Helios hasn't a clue, but they had the Hero title...and should probably go, just to be safe.

He sits back in his chair and closes his eyes, his brows knitting in consternation and thought.

"Giles. Have you, um, ever met a woman who...who was clothed in silk like flames? A-And when you meet her it feels like the air around you is on fire?"

Edited 2012-09-27 01:02 (UTC)

Giles goes absolutely dead still, a slice of apple halfway to his mouth.

"Then take my hand, lost spirit...and through fire, be reborn."

Oh, yes, Giles knows Benu. What he doesn't remember is the lengths Benu went to in order to ensure he forgot how well he knew her. But talking with Loki has awakened a few inklings of suspicion and anxiety, even if he can't pinpoint the source.

And she wasn't able to erase his memories of the party, where she'd first caught his eye.

"Yes, I have. Um...at, at the party, for the...the slaying of the beast, whatever it was. Thought she was, um, just an odd guest. Or a hero, like us."

Helios stills as Giles does, the food on his plate going untouched as he stares at it. There's an expression of deep pain over his features, before he looks back at Giles.

"Sh-she's dangerous." His voice is wavering, scared, something in his eyes looks almost hesitant to continue.

"I. I ran into her a day or two a-ago." He flexes his right hand unconsciously against his pant leg. He sighs and looks down at the floor again.

"She did something t-to me. I...I don't know what but. A-Apep. He, um, it...r-reacted to her and it, it hurt. It hurt so much." He sounds terrified as he takes a calming deep breath.

"What is she...?" What could possibly elicit such a reaction to make Apep, even the small portion within him, hurt that way? It was disconcerting, it was very disconcerting and Helios doesn't know if she'll try to show up to him again. What is he supposed to do if he does? What if no one helps him next time?

"...not human."

Loki had said that much. But when Giles tries to recall more...he can't think, a fog settles over his mind, and whatever he'd been grasping for slips away. And it only makes him more concerned, more afraid, for Helios and himself.

Giles reaches out and rests a hand lightly on Helios' chest, trying to avoid any contact that might upset him, in this state.

"Has, um...has Apep continued to be more active, since then?"

It's an eventuality he's dreaded for a long time. And Giles isn't any more prepared to deal with it now than he was when he first learned it could happen.

Helios flinches ever so slightly at the unexpected contact. There is a minor jolt of pain from his arm, which compounds itself on the dull ache he continuously has due to Apep. But all the same he appreciates the contact but its...calming and soothing in some ways. Because it was Giles, someone he's grown to depend on in more than one way.

"S-Sometimes? I-I don't...I don't think it'll be a problem." Though he wouldn't have made mention of it if it were. He knows it's not the best weight to leave on Giles' shoulders, especially with everything leading up to now. The poor man didn't need anymore stress than he already had and a pang of guilt washes over him as he looks away to the window.

"I'm not sure how well it'll g-go next time." When or if they meet again. He shivers slightly at the thought. If Kori hadn't come in to save him...who knows what would have happened.

Probably not well. If...when...Benu decides to show up again, and if Helios is alone when it happens...things will probably go very badly.

But Giles can't bring himself to say as much out loud. Because, if Apep does awaken, Giles knows that he doesn't have a chance, and he can only guess how painful the thought of that would be to Helios.

Instead:

"...can you still manage that barrier you put around the old house?"

It kept out Grell and Angelus. Maybe it would work to keep out Benu.

Not just pain but pure fear. Because Helios saw what Apep want to do to both Giles and Ginia. The things I would love to do to those two as you watch. He's only scratched the surface of it once. The mask showed him it, it tapped into the unbridled anger and rage that was connected in some ways to Apep. Destruction and chaos and death were all that he wanted to cause to everyone and everything in the enclosure. The mask made those thoughts taste like a sweet, succulent, nectar at the time. And for once he had lost himself to it, completely and utterly, blind sided by it. But he never talked about it, never said much of anything about how it touched that part of him. The things he had wanted to do to them...

Helios' unfocused gaze snaps back at the question and he looks back at Giles.

"Of c-course." He doesn't know if it'll help keep an entity like Benu out, but well, Helios is willing to try anything at this point. "I. I can probably make it even stronger here with-without the power cap in place."

"Then we'll start there."

It's something, and it might give Helios some peace of mind. Maybe let him feel like he's not completely powerless against Benu, or Apep.

Giles knows that he should probably mention his own anxieties about Benu at one point. The fact that she'd been able to temporarily give him back his body at the ball has taken on an entirely new sinister light. Maybe someone else would be able to put the pieces together, where he can't...

But, he doesn't. Helios is scared and tired enough as it is.

"...I won't ever let him overcome you, Helios. Whatever I can do to stop it...I will."

An empty promise, perhaps, but one he'll nevertheless try to fulfill with all his might, should the day ever come.

Helios just...hunches even more on his himself at those words. Because whatever might done might mean killing him, or worse. He couldn't ever ask that of Giles even if the other truly never would let it happen. It's too dark and too deep for him to think about right now.

"Hopefully you-you'll never have to." If only there was a way to get rid of Apep entirely.

Always feel like she's runnin on a hamster wheel

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