Helios Sprensonne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
folklorist) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
eswareinmal2012-06-06 07:46 pm
folklorist) wrote in eswareinmal2012-06-06 07:46 pm
Entry tags:
Log: Fourth of Rebirth's Decline
Characters: Helios Sprensonne (folklorist) & Rupert Giles (consultmybooks)
Open? Nope
Where: Somewhere in town
When: Night of the 4th of RD (backdated!)
What: Lots of talking and explaining oh and awkward so much awkward.
Warnings: A for awkward and PG-13 too, maybe?
It was after the day, later, much later when Helios found himself unable to sleep and unable to read or do much of anything. The dreams from the night before weighing heavily on his mind. It didn't make any sense what happened. Why him? How could Giles actually have...
No. It was just a dream, nothing more than that. People sometimes didn't have control over those, he knew that. So why was something so simple and insignificant as a kiss making him this way. He can't honestly see the merit in having feelings for someone like himself though, never could, not after what happened. Yet here was a man whom he so very close to and that goes and happens.
He's a terrible person to have feelings for. Absolutely terrible which is why he was glad it was just a dream. But sometimes dreams mean more than their superficial exteriors are given credit for and Helios just isn't sure what to make of it. Still, he'll be sitting outside one of the smaller shops on a bench. Not really doing much besides just looking up at the sky and the stars. It really was gorgeous here when you took a moment to look at it. Stargazing, aside from reading and practicing his spells, always helped calm him somewhat; helped keep his thoughts in order too.
He was just...very confused and he knew that they would have to talk eventually. But he's not sure he's ready to do that just yet. If the feeling of his stomach dropping at the mere thought was any inclination of his trepidation towards the matter. A tired sigh as he leans back, eyes closed for a few moments, and he just takes in the calm peaceful air of town around him.
folklorist) & Rupert Giles (consultmybooks)Open? Nope
Where: Somewhere in town
When: Night of the 4th of RD (backdated!)
What: Lots of talking and explaining oh and awkward so much awkward.
Warnings: A for awkward and PG-13 too, maybe?
It was after the day, later, much later when Helios found himself unable to sleep and unable to read or do much of anything. The dreams from the night before weighing heavily on his mind. It didn't make any sense what happened. Why him? How could Giles actually have...
No. It was just a dream, nothing more than that. People sometimes didn't have control over those, he knew that. So why was something so simple and insignificant as a kiss making him this way. He can't honestly see the merit in having feelings for someone like himself though, never could, not after what happened. Yet here was a man whom he so very close to and that goes and happens.
He's a terrible person to have feelings for. Absolutely terrible which is why he was glad it was just a dream. But sometimes dreams mean more than their superficial exteriors are given credit for and Helios just isn't sure what to make of it. Still, he'll be sitting outside one of the smaller shops on a bench. Not really doing much besides just looking up at the sky and the stars. It really was gorgeous here when you took a moment to look at it. Stargazing, aside from reading and practicing his spells, always helped calm him somewhat; helped keep his thoughts in order too.
He was just...very confused and he knew that they would have to talk eventually. But he's not sure he's ready to do that just yet. If the feeling of his stomach dropping at the mere thought was any inclination of his trepidation towards the matter. A tired sigh as he leans back, eyes closed for a few moments, and he just takes in the calm peaceful air of town around him.
/dies
Funny, that...in the usual terribly-not-funny way of the world. Helios was the reason Alice had always set Giles' teeth on edge. Of course Helios and Alice would wind up bonding, becoming friends, even falling in love. And Ginia doesn't know a thing about it.
"Well. He isn't here. There's, um, there's that, a-at least."
Helios might feel guilty about expressing any negative sentiment towards his brother. Giles has no such compunctions.
D8 nooo
"I-It c-can't be like that. B-Because I can't..." he just looks at anywhere but Giles. "After Elise...I haven't been able to feel that sort of emotion towards anyone anymore." It's a painful admission, the sorrow and sadness and lack of emotion in his voice tells everything. Even if his expression is deadpan and so very tired. It's not something he ever tells anyone but Giles isn't just anyone. It only serves to remind him of how terrible he would be at it. Love. Gods it's been five years or more since then. Valentine's Day was a shock because that emotion was so powerful, it made him feel almost alive again. But it was wrong and that wasn't how it was supposed to be.
"T-true lights only have-have one person they're supposed to be with for as long as they live." He'll blink rapidly staving off that stinging in his eyes. Alice wasn't it.
"I-I should...I should t-talk to her." About this and about his own dream too. "S-Sorry. I...I made things difficult a-again for you. I-I don't...I don't know what to say." And for that reason he's truly sorry about it. Because he should but what else was to say? He never meant to do that with her, gods, not Alice of all people. But he also feels so terribly sad because if her feelings are still that strong and lingering it wasn't fair to either Giles or Ginia.
no subject
Giles is upset, and sad, and it shows in his tone of voice. But he's upset and sad over a great many things, not angry. It's so very hard to ever be angry at Helios, and even if he could find it in himself to feel that way...it would be different, if it had been Ginia. But Giles has no claim on Alice. He doesn't love her, she doesn't love him, beyond the sad obligation she seems to feel as a tenant in Ginia's body.
Besides. He'd loved Helios, once, as something other than a friend or a brother. It's not as though he can't understand what Alice might see in him. He does, probably more than she knows.
"I agree, you should. Of course...well, that would involve drawing her out, an unpredictable job at best."
...or so he'd always understood it to be. Giles realizes with some trepidation that even that might have changed, in three and a half months.
no subject
"I just don't understand." He sounds utterly lost when he says that. He never knows what to do in these situations and so he sounds mildly awkward too.
"I don't even know what I-I would say. I-I told her a-about me. About why it would never work." It would only cause her unnecessary pain in the end, so he doesn't really see why she would bother still. He sighs sounding utterly exhausted and defeated by this entire exchange in general. And then his mind drifts to ideas of leaving this town, this place in general. It would be easier if he did, wouldn't it?
No. No he can't think like that. It would only make them worry more.
"Why aren't you angry w-with me?" He doesn't understand that either. Giles should be, he should be a great deal angrier than he is, which he's not, and Helios doesn't understand that. He'll bite his lip and look away shifting in his seat as if to try and move away.
no subject
"Because it was an experiment." People changed, during experiments. Sometimes, they became things entirely besides what they were supposed to be. The Malnosso had proven just as easily able to manipulate the mind and the body. Even the soul. Giles knew that.
"Because...I, I-I trust that you'd, um, never willingly do me harm." This is a bit of a harder admission. Because the Malnosso had made him fear that, in the past, made him fear Helios forgetting about him, no longer caring, moving on. But that had only been another of their designs, and a future that had never been. If he kept telling himself that enough, Giles could even believe it.
"...because you...y-you would have been good for them. Either of them." There had been days, where he'd wondered if Ginia would come to prefer Helios, over him.
"Because I, I don't love Alice and, a-and even if I did...sh-she was always free to, to find someone else. I wasn't there."
And that's the cold and practical truth of it, and the part that hurts the most to admit. Even so, Giles forces himself. Helios told him the truth. He owes the other man the same.
no subject
"I don't think I would be good at all." Never gives himself enough credit for these things. He probably would have just wound up getting them hurt and he has already, hasn't he? The bakery the day before Halloween. He'd never be as good for either of them as Giles thinks.
Helios winces though and finally looks back at Giles. "It w-wasn't because you l-left Giles. Ginia...Ginia never stopped thinking about you. I-I never did either. E-Everyone missed you when you left, a-and no one would ever forget you. Not-not like that, not ever." Helios isn't sure he ever could forget. Maybe with Malnosso intervention but never on his own accord.
"She missed you s-so terribly much. I-I tried to help her but...I don't think I was the right p-person to do so." How can he help someone when he himself was so riddled with the same loss? "It wasn't enough."
no subject
That particular memory is still fresh in his mind, even through the haze of pain and disorientation that had hung over him like a sickness after facing Schwartz. He'd been short with Helios, that day, but only because he'd been out of sorts and terrified at the idea that Helios had been kidnapped and Giles hadn't remembered it.
"Claiming that, um, y-you weren't a 'suitable' person to assist one of your friends, when, in fact, as a sympathetic friend going through, um, a very similar experience, or having gone through it in the past, you were, um, probably ideal."
no subject
Helios looks at Giles sullen but appreciative. "O-Oh. Y-Yes. I-I suppose you're right. E-Even then I...I don't know if I helped R-Robert." He'll sigh and shake his head.
"I-I couldn't help him in the end with, with the p-pain. There's no way to help that." Unless he got rid of his soul. The pain that he's always in, no cure, no nothing.
"I d-don't know about ideal but I...I was there as m-much as possible." For Ginia and Robert. It's all he could really offer at the time whilst not burdening them with his own problems.
no subject
Giles knows that, well, he's one to talk. Not being able to fix a problem just as it arises, whether that problem is a bloodthirsty goddess or a friend in pain, is agony to him. But he remembers the words a woman spoke to him a long time ago, about how sometimes people needed time, and space, to get better. They stuck with him, and so he can at least pass the advice along.
"Being there as, um, as a friend...that's enough, and, a-and that's really all you can expect of yourself, or that anyone can ask of you."
no subject
"I-I should. I know. But I just..." he looks back at Giles with a small shrug. "I can't help it." Seeing people in pain, pain like he's been in or experienced...
He really can't help but try to do everything he can for them, even if being there as a friend is good enough.