eswareinmal | (no subject)

Characters: Loki
Open?: Yes!
Where: Outside Schwanheim
When: 6th of Rebirth's Height
Warnings: Aaaaaaangst.

He hasn't looked into that dread mirror since the return back. Buried it at the bottom of a chest, under the robes he had been given, and swept outside, to the sky and the breeze and the grass. He climbed a hill, and he was too warm, but he savored it. Savored the overheat of his skin, the dry lack of sweat, the burn of thirst in his throat.

He settles down on the grass, under the burning sun, and tries to keep his mind away from anything having to do with ice.

But it returns there, as it always does. He can almost taste the power of the Bifrost, feel the thrum of uncontrollable energies directed by his own hand. He can close his eyes and imagine the terror and chaos as Jotunheimr falls.

He can remember the surge of sick satisfaction -- one backhand, and Thor went flying and he thought this is the end to all my troubles and he didn't watch as his brother bled out into the dirt.

The truth.

The truth is that Loki was never meant to be a hero. He was always meant to be the monster.

Loki buries his face in his folded arms. He is empty enough that he is unsurprised when the tears do not come.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

On instinct, Bakura moved to cover the faded scar marring the his left hand. That... was a complicated question. Between Pegasus, who had been killed by his hands, something he had never truly forgiven himself for, and some of the things he had done in the City...

"A little..." he admitted softly. He was not as pure and made of white light as he kept being mistaken for, something that always caused him a touch of discomfort whether it was Ben or Beatrice who mentioned it. But this wasn't the place for that.

Then nowhere near Loki's. His heart is stained black with it. Sodden with it.

"You are just a boy," he said. "All of you, so young, and you fancy yourselves heroes."

Bakura gave a small, almost wry smile at that. Even though he was almost 20, and thus almost an adult, he was used to being seen as far younger, and knew that relatively speaking, he was still just a kid, especially when compared to others.

"I'm not one yet," he corrected softly. "I don't really know if I'll ever be one, really. I think... I think with something like that, even being called it so often, I think people only really ever get to be one after they've done something great. Otherwise it's just something to aspire to, right?"

The amount of times the word had been bitterly batted around in the City, Alastair's stubborn refusal to accept the label they'd all be given and Kiryu's outright mocking of it... Almost none of his friends had tried to claim that title, and he'd never considered it himself. He wasn't the one who was out there fighting the Joker or the Major or Godzilla or any of those. Unless it was another zombie hoard, he was pretty useless until it came time for clean up, and he knew it. He was a healer first, especially with magic like his. He if couldn't even defend against one vampire, how on Earth could he stand up to something bigger?

"And humble too," said Loki, helplessly. "Spare me."

He would learn to hate Loki, in time. He would learn what Loki truly was, and how he thought, and how he destroyed. Loki was a thing of chaos, and there was no real reason he should be in the service of order.

Why was he even here?

Bakura almost flinched at that, looking down. "Sorry..." he apologized, fidgeting with his scar a moment.

He wasn't always very good with saying the right thing at the right time-- heck, outside of a small group of his close friends, he was often pretty miserable at it!-- but he did want to help, so he tried. And often failed, since he wasn't Obi-Wan or Yuugi or any of those type who magically always had the right words. Reasons he knew he wasn't the hero type.

Loki gave a little laugh. A little, bitter laugh.

"Don't apologize," he said. "Especially not if you don't know what for."

Reflex almost caused Bakura to apologize again, but he caught himself in time, looking a little sheepish. "For saying the wrong thing," he explained. And possibly being part of the problem, since he didn't really know what Loki was upset about other than something that had happened at West Haven. He'd been a little out of it when that woman had appeared, so he wasn't entirely sure what had gone on. But even he hadn't missed Loki's change in manner on the ride back...

"I'm not always so good in knowing what to say and not say when someone's upset." Especially when he didn't know what the problem was.

"The times anyone has said the right thing to me..." Loki shook his head. "I can count them on one hand. And I have lived a great many times your span."

He is far too accustomed to no one knowing his mind. Has convinced himself, in many ways, that he likes that ignorance.

A small nod. "It's good to at least have those time to treasure, ne?" Bakura smiled softly, tracing over the faded scar on the back of his left hand. "So you can think of them and the people behind them when you need to."

Loki's throat feels as though a noose has closed on it.

"You turn my words," he protests, softly. "I meant that I was neglected, not that I treasured the moments few." But did he? Had Bakura unwitting insight into Loki's mind?

Bakura himself was someone who had been alone or overlooked (either by his own doing or just due to other, bigger things overshadowing everything) far too often so that when there were those fleeting moments, he very tightly held those words of encouragement to himself to pull strength from when those who had given them were long gone or far to busy to remember he even existed. He was pretty sure if he hadn't had them, he would have broken a long time ago.

"Aaa-- sorry," Bakura near winced again, looking down at his hand. He was really just fumbling every roll, wasn't he? Aaaaah, maybe he should just give up....

It wasn't his fault. After all, how could an innocent hope to understand the sort of creature that Loki could be?

"Go," said Loki, softly and bitterly. "I have no wish to continue this."

Bakura nodded, getting to his feet. "Sorry..." he apologized once more. He hesitated a moment before speaking again. "I hope things get better for you..." he said softly, before turning to go.